Warning: ice hockey is bad for your sanity

It’s a funny old game, ice hockey. Sometimes funny as in humourous, sometimes funny as in strange, sometimes both at the same time. And tonight it feels like a bit of both.

I’m writing this blog entry an hour after Lightning lost on penalties to Slough Jets – our bogey team for this season. It’s almost like they’ve decided we got Blaz from them so we were having nothing else. We’ve come so close the last twice we’ve played them, but no cigar – and tonight the guys got closer than they have all season.

And tonight – for me anyway – it feels like we just lost the cup final. Which is stupid I know because on the face of it, this was a ‘nothing’ game. Last league game of the season, neither team would change league position regardless of the result. It was pretty much just a game to be got through. Yeah of course if we could beat Sluff in the process that’d be nice, but for me the main objective was not to pick up any injuries or needless suspensions.

The previous night at Basingstoke the guys had put in a much better performance than last week, when the manner of the defeat didn’t do much for anyone’s hopes of seeing the team play in Coventry. We’d gone ahead by two goals but the Bison clawed it back thanks largely to a Kubenko hat-trick – two of which came within 40 seconds – and we lost 4-3. Disappointing but at least our performance had improved. Why can’t we get a lead and keep it?

So off we went to the Thunderdome. It’s strange going to hockey games while it’s still light outside – in this case not just light but bright sunlight! Bought my copy of the fanzine as usual on the way in, with a very clever cover (lets just say I’ve never seen Nick looking like that before), chatted to Golly and Bubbs, all very stress free and ‘lets just get tonight over with so we can deal with the playoffs’.

There was a strange moment just after the first face off when I made eye contact with Grant McPherson as he strolled past with a coffee,..... then it struck me: why wasn’t he dressed and leaning over the edge of the bench waiting to get on the ice?! He got thrown out of last night’s game in Basingstoke...this wasn’t making sense. Spoke to Fiona in the first period break and she thought he might’ve crossed a penalty point ban threshold but neither of us were sure (as it turns out, she’s right).

At the end of the first period Lightning were 1-0 up and within only five minutes of the second period, we were 3-0 up. This was going so well, could we make it last? 40 minutes to go would be a long time in football – in ice hockey it’s a lifetime. I know this from painful experience when we were 3-1 up at an away game in October, and I said something about us taking the two points.....cue conceding two goals in 15 seconds, then losing in overtime.

An honourable mention at this point for “the young ‘uns” – Jacob Heron, Jamie Line and Ross Green, who were all having a fantastic game, getting lots of ice time and using it to prove their worth. Jamie in particular was playing like he was about to get drafted to the NHL, getting stuck in at every turn, body checking the opposition and not giving a damn if they were a couple of feet taller than him. Very funny moment in the second period when he skated down the wing alongside a MUCH taller Jets player, who playfully patted him on the head....and Jamie responded by jabbing him with his stick.

To cut a long and painful story short, we let a three goal lead slip and ended regulation time with three each. Overtime didn’t change anything and it went to penalties. Blaz missed......Monir missed.....they scored.....and Smults missed. Bugger.

And all through this, me and probably a fair few other MKL supporters had been checking the scores for Manchester v Swindon, and Telford v Guildford. The EPL title race had gone down to the wire: if Manchester won, they were champions regardless of what Guildford did. But if Manchester lost and Guildford won, the title went to Surrey. Not any old title.....OUR title. Regardless of what anyone thinks of Tony Hand he’s been key to Manchester’s fortunes this season and he was chucked out of the game very early on, giving Swindon hope of a fightback. Sadly it wasn’t to happen: Guildford stuffed Telford but Manchester kept a grip on their lead and our title finally headed north.

So, strangely, today’s game went from being a ‘nothing’ game to feeling like we’d lost the cup final at the death. I went through a few minutes afterwards when I didn’t even feel like speaking to anyone, I just felt choked, gutted, totally empty.

Of course it hurts when one of my 'other' teams lose: I was gutted that Williams did so badly in the Aussie GP this morning, and not particularly happy when Sunderland lost to Liverpool last week. But through geographical and financial issues, I don’t go to every F1 race (I wish!!) or Sunderland game. You just don’t get that ‘closeness’ with Premiership football teams and F1 teams. And even if you did, the players exist in such a rarified, protected world that the supporters don’t get anywhere even remotely close to them – heaven forbid they should actually have to meet supporters.

We can all identify with the MKL players. You can see they’re on cloud nine when they’ve won - or see their disappointment when a goal’s conceded. You can see how disappointed they are when they’ve lost a game and have to smile for photo’s afterwards. If they’ve won they’ll be happy in the bar afterwards and they won’t panic and look for a security guard if you go and talk to them. If they’ve lost, you can tell that they’re at least as down as you are about it, if not more. (Again it’s probably the mum in me that makes me want to give them a clip round the ear if they’ve played really badly, or give them a hug if I genuinely do feel sorry for them). They don’t go and jump in their Ferrari, zoom off to a swish apartment then lick their wounds about it until the next game; like most of us, these guys have jobs to go to. Infact Muzzy and Grant can empathise with supporters even more since last Wednesday’s away game at Sheffield – they couldn’t get an early finish from work and had to hot-foot it up the M1 as soon as they finished for the day, and arrived at Sheffield literally just before face-off.

So there y’go, I think I’ve got that off my chest now. Tomorrow I have to steel myself to ask Vito and Nick for their quotes for next week’s press releases, put this weekend behind us and hope for the best in next weekend’s play off quarter finals. What else can you do BUT get behind them?

I genuinely think the guys CAN get to Coventry. It’s going to be bloody hard work but I’m sure they’ll give it 100 per cent. This isn’t the time to start blaming individuals or saying so-and-so had a quiet game, or ‘x’ should be rested. It’s time to say “In Nick We Trust” (again) and get behind the team next weekend. Let’s go Lightning!!

Say hello, wave goodbye

Blimey – last league weekend already?! It feels like only five minutes ago that we were all looking forward to The Ashes (the ice hockey ones, not the cricket ones), but here we are sorting our wild west outfits ready for the play-offs. Okay so it hasn’t been a season to remember with relish like last season, but there’s definitely been some memorable events: stuffing the Bison 5-0 then twice beating them on penalties......beating Phoenix 6-3 and running them incredibly close last weekend......signing Blaz Emersic as soon as he became available......beating Flames 5-0 on their own ice...... putting 9 past Swindon......a seven game unbeaten run in the new year......Andre Payette telling us to “give it up” after we baited him all game in Sheffield.....watching Monir go the colour of beetroot when we sang his song at Bracknell as he sat behind us.....!!

Close season is going to be very strange – I’ve gone from weekends where ice hockey didn’t figure at all, to wondering what it’s going to be like without it. F1 started this weekend, so that’ll see me through – but ice hockey has the longest close-season of any of the sports I follow (football 3 months, F1 4 months, ice hockey 5 months).

This season’s been a very steep learning curve and there’s still a way to go, for me. I still think what I really need is someone much more knowledgeable than me, with patience, to point out things I should watch for in a game. But there are a lot of things that I *have* learned so far as a relative newbie...

1. It’s a phenomenally fast game. Keeping your eye on the puck to make sure you don’t get hit by one is the very least of it – just keeping track with which team’s in possession is hard work sometimes. Particularly when I go to games without my contact lenses.

2. Don’t even try to compare it with football as ‘another team sport’. Full contact vs non- contact took bloody ages to get used to, even now I’ll see one skater push another one and wait for the ref to blow for it, then remember in ice hockey it’s sometimes allowed.

3. The Thunderdome isn’t a particularly cold rink. Basingstoke is colder, Peatboghorror is freezing, Whitley Bay is too cold even for polar bears. At the other end of the scale, Slough is cosy and Sheffield is totally tropical.

4. Ice hockey rules, whilst seemingly random and unfathomable, are more flexible than football rules. In football, two yellows (or one red) and your team’s short-handed for the rest of the game – in hockey you have to pretty much murder someone to get a match or game penalty, so your team’s rarely short-handed for long (unless Nigel Boniface is reffing, then you can spend most of the game short-handed).

5. The referees in hockey get just as much grief as they do in football. Particularly if your surname is Szucks, Tottman or Boniface.

6. Same goes for some pundits and players. For Alan Green, read ‘Dave Simms’, and players like Nicky Chinn, Andre Payette, Shaun Yardley and Nicky Watt always get a warm welcome at the Thunderdome.....

7. Why would you WANT to be a nettie? Surely you have to be certifiable to want to get in the way of Lukas Zatopek firing a rock-hard frozen lump of rubber at you, at speeds that even Prof Brian Cox would struggle to grasp?

8. I’ll also never understand why you’d want to be a ref or linesman - less padding than anyone else on the ice, twice the abuse from the crowd, you have to break up fights between players the size of Marcus Kristofferson and Leigh Jamieson, AND watch for penalty instructions from Tony Hand.

9. Muzzy is always last off the line after the national anthem, and first on the scene at a good fight.

10. I hate watching the game from behind netting. At Sheffield you don’t have a choice in the matter so you just get on with it, but at least the netting’s actually white; at MK it could do with a good wash on a hot programme with a scoop of Glo-White.

11. Unlike in football, you can be playing a league AND a cup game at the same time – which I quite like, because you don’t then get boring empty weekends mid-season as you’re “concentrating on the league” again. (Yes, Sunderland, that’s you.)

12. Trying to think up even vaguely witty puns about your or your oppo’s team name for press releases gets harder the longer the season goes on. There’s only so many times I can use “Lightning strike twice” or say we kept the Steeldogs “on a tight leash”.

13. I learnt this season that annoying the coach before a match is not good. Next season in a change of tactics, I’ll annoy him afterwards instead (when he’s put that stick down and had a drink).

14. I also learned that two of our roster live literally around the corner from me, so I’m going round after the EOS doo to lock them in until they sign for next season.

15. There are some wierd and wonderful names in ice hockey. In no particular order: Pavel Gomeniuk, Darius Pliskauskas, Andrejs Maslovskis, Kurtis Dulle, Paul Sample, Dale Mahovsky (actually anyone called 'Dale' or 'Brad' is alright by me), Patrick 'Chewie' Forsbacka (used to play for Newcastle and sounds best pronounced with a broad north-eastern accent!), David Beauregard and Jeremy Van Hoof. And an honourable mention to the combination of Messrs Plant and Potts of Guildford.

16. Road games really are worth giving up a quarter of the weekend for. You get to cheer on Lightning AND spend time with some splendiferous people who are as sold on MKL as you are, sing daft songs at the oppo’s expense, natter about hockey until your heart’s content and generally have a bloody good time - there’s easily as much team spirit in the away end as in the away dressing room, and I can honestly say I’ve thorougly enjoyed every single awayday I’ve been on this season.

It’s been an absolute blast writing this column and if the fanzine will have me, I’m sure I’ll be back at least occasionally next season. For now, I’ll say it once more................LET’S GO, LIGHTNING!!!

Playing away

For me, one of the best things about this season has been discovering the ‘delights’ of various away rinks and the team spirit of awaydays. Living 250 miles away from my hometown, getting to Sunderland home games is enough of a logistical challenge before you even start to think about away trips – I really can’t remember what the hell possessed me to get a season ticket a few years ago, living so far away and being a wife and mother, working full time, and studying for my CIM qualification. Every home game was like an away game and I spent an entire season absolutely knackered....but no, if I could do it all again I wouldn't change a thing.

Home trips to see MK Lightning are obviously much easier, all done in about three hours. Living only a mile from the rink definitely helps. I don’t usually extend that by going to the bar afterwards – I’m not being unsociable, but I don’t drink beer unless it’s Peroni Gran Riserva, I’m picky about wine, I don’t really like cola/lemonade and the only cider I’ve found upstairs at Planet Ice is too sweet for me (sorry, that all makes me sound a bit high-maintenance but I’m not. No, really I'm not...) So if you do see me in the bar it generally means I need to corner Vito or a player about PR, or I have a sudden, inexplicable craving for Kopparberg.

MKL away trips have been an absolute blast this season – I remember saying when I first started this column how much I enjoyed the friendly atmosphere around ice hockey in MK and that feels magnified at away games. I can totally understand if people choose not to go to away games for whatever reason, but if you’ve never been to one and get the chance or the inclination strikes you, you really should give it a go. I’ve met some lovely people and seen some absolutely corking matches at away rinks this season and I’d recommend it to anyone. Humungous thanks to Jan, Dave, Bubbs and obviously my lovely and very understanding hubby, without whose help I wouldn’t have enjoyed those awaydays because I don’t drive!! So with all that in mind, here’s my little summary of just three of the rinks I’ve been to this season:

Venue: iceSheffield

Travelling companions: Jan (driving), Jan’s son Matt, and Golly (you know what? I *still* don't know what Golly's real name is...)

Time from MK to venue: A shade under two hours. Yes really, officer.

Route: M1 north, exit at junction 34, take the 2^nd left (I think), up that road past TGI on the left and Meadowhall on the right, past a budget hotel and it’s on the left.

Travel soundtrack: Matt’s choice of mainly guitar-based tracks from his ipod.

What’s it like there: New and shiny! Well it feels new-ish anyway. Not just one, but two ice pads. And two zambonis! Posh gits ;-o You don’t get a ticket, they stamp the back of your hand with a blue inky paw-print thing that stays put for at least two days afterwards and you’ll get fed up with explaining to people at work what it is. Decent bar with comfy seats, pool tables and tellies. Strangely warm in the seating area, you don’t need to get wrapped up at all really. No pillars obstructing the view but you’re behind netting, which I really hate. Not much atmosphere unless you make it yourself, but the scattered home supporters have a drum AND a trumpet.

What happened last time: Lightning stuffed the puppydogs 5-0. Little Archie Hollyhead got a bit over-excited watching his daddy play, and was ick everywhere, bless. It was Jamie Line’s 21^st and also Monir’s birthday that weekend so Jan made ‘happy birthday’ mini-posters and some of us held them up at the plexi during warm-up...cue strange looks from the players who saw them. Radders is still wearing his MKL shorts, Andre Payette didn’t endear himself to anyone so Jan, Golly and Carole baited him all evening and he eventually bit, so we left him alone after that.

Venue: Basingstoke

Travelling companions: Dave (driving), Emms, Jan and Golly. Jan’s humbugs got another outing (oo-er missus).

Time from MK to venue: 1 hour 35 mins. Bloody miraculous considering it’s in Hampshire.

Route: From MK cross country to Brackley, M40 then A34 past Oxford and Didcot...after that I have no idea at all, Dave’s satnav did the work. Home via the M3, M25 and M1.

Travel soundtrack: Dave’s ipod ice hockey playlist.

What’s it like there: Looks quite nice from the outside but nowhere near as smart inside. Cold...but in its defence, this rink has a cunningly concealed Costa Coffee bar, so it scores extra brownie points with me for that (no, really I'm honestly not high maintenance!) Quite cold, so extra layers definitely needed, unlike Sheffield. You sit quite high upstairs in the stands but you get an unobscured view of the ice pad. Only 5 minutes walk to the regulation McD’s or KFC for scran before the drive home.

What happened last time: DJ Rob's dad decided that hockey was really quite addictive. Lightning really gave the Bison a game, took the lead, then they fought back, it went to overtime and we won on penalties.....nailbiting stuff. We sang the probably predictable “MK Reject“ at Mindy and something much less polite at Chinny. Their DJ needs more records though as we got really hacked off with all that “put your hands up in the air” nonsense, every other sodding time.

Venue: Sluff (‘The Hangar’)

Travelling companions: My other half (driving) and Jan. Andy wasn’t well (aww).

Time from MK to venue: 1 hour 5 mins. Gummy sweetie dinosaurs en route, nom nom nom.

Route: Hubs fancied the idea of MK – Aylesbury and down through the Chalfonts but in the end we did M1, M25 and M4.

Travel soundtrack: Various stuff from my iPod and footy commentary on Five Live.

What’s it like there: Like Basingstoke, looks better from outside than in. It’s just....SMALL. Pokey. And dark. The curved roof that obviously prompted the ‘Hangar’ nickname is enough to give you claustrophobia. And there are stupid curved supporting ‘beams’ that get in the way depending on where you sit. Small cafe-bar that charges £1.50 for a ridiculously small hot drink that they take ages to make and lasts you about 30 seconds. On the plus side, loads of room to hang the big MKL flag, and if you’re so inclined you can sit right behind our bench (not for the easily offended as there’s a fair bit of effing and jeffing. I know, you wouldn’t expect it as our players all look so angelic, but it was “flipping” this, “chuffing” that.....) Mind you, I've heard it wasn't much better in WAGs corner...

What happened last time: Nasty Nigel Boniface was reffing and was late due to being stuck in traffic. Some would say he should've stayed there. The lads got closer to beating Sluff than they have all season, they really battled, took the game to the hosts and got to 3-3............but it wasn’t to be – but it absolutely wasn’t for the lack of trying.

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It’s been fantastic joining the band of good-humoured, dedicated MKL supporters who turn up at away games as well as home, bang the drum and sing the songs – there have been very few groups of away supporters come to the Thunderdome who make as much noise as MKL fans do when we travel, so I just hope the team appreciates how lucky they are!!